Tranungkite
Kira-kira enam bulan lalu, saya mengalami penyakit kemurungan yang teruk dan gangguan makan. Saya berasa bahawa saya adalah orang tak berguna dan tiada siapa yang akan suka saya kecuali saya jadi sakit dengan badan yang kecil, kekurangan zat makanan, dan tidak sihat.
Semua cahaya seolah-olah hilang dari dunia. Saya tidak mempunyai harapan yang pernah pulih daripada masalah penyakit.
Memandangkan isu-isu saya semakin teruk saya terasa macam nak membunuh diri. Saya merasakan seperti saya berhak untuk mati, dan saya yakin takde orang pun yang akan mengambil berat apabila itu berlaku.
Saya mula lawan dengan ibu bapa saya yang dapat melihat keadaan saya semakin teruk hari demi hari. Saya mula gagal di sekolah.
Kemudian pada satu hari saya sedang duduk di kelas, hampir tidak memberi perhatian apabila saya mendengar salah satu daripada rakan-rakan saya mula bercakap. Beliau telah bercerita tentang Islam.
Beliau bercakap secara ringkas prinsip-prinsip asas Islam. Tetapi dengan hanya sedikit maklumat, saya terpesona. Pada hari itu saya mula membaca terjemahan al-Quran dan apa sahaja tentang Islam.
Saya kagum pada kesetiaan manusia pelbagai kaum dan kenegeraan kepada Tuhan yang Satu yang mereka panggil Allah. Ada perasaan yang saya dapat apabila saya tahu saya melakukan sesuatu yang betul. Saya terasa aura kebahagiaan yang seolah-olah mengisi dari kepala ke kaki saya. Itulah yang saya rasakan ketika saya mula mengkaji Islam.
Kebahagiaan itu asing kepada saya kerana saya telah berada dalam keadaan kemurungan selama hampir dua tahun. Sesuatu yang amat saya kagumi adalah wanita Islam sangat dilindungi.
Saya tinggal dalam keadaan masyarakat yang obsesi dengan pakaian yang seksi dan nipis-nipis. Akan tetapi, dalam dunia baru ini saya melihat bahawa ramai wanita yang memakai pakaian yang longgar, dan tak menampakkan rambut langsung. Mereka cantik, tetapi dengan cara yang mereka tersendiri.
Wanita ini adalah wanita cantik semula jadi, tidak seperti wanita yang ditampal pada papan iklan di mana-mana. Dan kemudian saya menyedari sesuatu, wanita-wanita ini adalah apa yang saya patut jadikan model inspirasi.
Saya belajar bagaimana untuk berdoa, dan mula berdoa selalu. Ia tidak berlaku sekelip mata, tetapi melalui pembelajaran yang konsisten, saya menjadi samakin faham dan akhirnya memeluk Islam Alhamdulillah.
Saya mendapat tahu bahawa Allah Yang Pemurah, Yang Pengasih, mempunyai rancangan untuk saya. Saya menyedari bahawa terdapat lebih kepada kehidupan daripada mengira kalori dan menangis setiap masa.
Saya tahu sekali lagi bahawa ada cahaya dan kecantikan di dunia, dalam semua ciptaan-Nya. Semua perkara-perkara ini, memberi inspirasi kepada saya untuk mahu menjadi lebih baik.
Penemuan saya dengan Islam mungkin telah membawa sinar cahaya yang jelas mengisi kegelapan saya sebelum ini.
Saya kini boleh mengatakan dengan keyakinan bahawa semua tanpa Islam dan sokongan daripada keluarga saya, saya kemungkinan besar akan mati. Saudara baru Islam - Amal.
**** Maaf sebab translate dari Google Translate hehe, tapi dah adjust sket2 dah... kat bawah ni artikel english***
About six months ago, I was suffering from severe depression and an eating disorder. I was absolutely convinced that I was worthless and that no one would ever love me unless I reached some unattainable goal of a tiny, malnourished, and unhealthy body. All the light seemed to be gone from the world.
I had no hope of ever recovering from the disorder. As my issues worsened I became suicidal. I felt like I deserved to die, and that no one would care when that happened. I was fighting with my parents who could see my condition deteriorating day by day. I began to fail in school. All in all, nothing in my life was positive. Then one day I was sitting in a class, barely paying attention when
I heard one of my fellow students begin talking. He was doing a presentation on Islam. He spoke very briefly on the basic principles of Islam, barely scratching the surface of a beautiful Religion I would come to know as close as my family. But with that little bit of information, I was fascinated. That very day I began reading the Qur’an and researching and everything I could find out about Islam.
I was amazed at the devotion of a whole people to one All Mighty God whom they called Allah. There is a feeling that you get when you know you are doing something right. A sort of swelling, happiness that seems to fill you up from head to toe. That is what I felt when I began to study Islam. The happiness was foreign to me as I had been in a state of depression for nearly two years.
When you live in the dark, the light may hurt your eyes but it is light nonetheless. Something that amazed me was that Muslim women covered themselves. Now, that may seem like something rather silly or obvious but to me it was extraordinary. I lived in a state of obsession with being thin. And yet, in the world I saw that there were women who wore loose clothing, and covered their hair.
They were gorgeous, but In a way that did not promote the western idea that a girl who is so skinny that her bones stick out and has nearly every inch of skin showing is an ideal of beauty that every woman should strive for. No, these woman were a kind of beautiful that was natural, not plastered on like the woman seen on billboards everywhere. And then I realized something, these women were what I ought to aspire to not deathly thin models. I learned how to pray, and began to pray regularly. It didn’t happen overnight, but through my learning I became a believer.
I came to know that Allah The Beneficent, The Merciful, had a plan for me. I realized that there was more to life than counting calories and crying all of the time. I knew again that there was light and beauty in the world, in all of His creations. All of these things, inspired me to want to get better. So, I began the long and hard road of recovery. It’s not like people assume. My discovery of Islam may have brought a ray of light in, but I still had to get out of the dark place I was in.
It has been a long and slow journey, which I am still on but all throughout there has been one constant thing. The Worship of Allah. I can now say with all conviction that without Islam and the support of my family I would most likely be dead. I am still recovering, and it takes bravery on my part every day to wake up in the morning and tell myself that I am beautiful and that I deserve food and happiness. - Amal
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